Senses
by RelapseAndEscape
Summary: 3x10 spoilers. After being raped, Finn tries to tell Rachel that he doesn't want a relationship right now. ND reacts differently, some supporting him and some not, especially since Finn was ready to marry her. Then Blaine blurts out that he was raped, and still unable to cope with it. Blangst. Finn angst. Oneshot. Response to Glee Angst Meme.


"Kid hasn't been himself," Burt explains, running his hand through Finn's hair in front of the curly brown-haired woman as she slowly nods.

Finn pushes Burt away from him completely, staring down at the white-and-blue tiles underneath him. Carole stares at him, and bites her lower lip. She does the same, running her hand through Finn's hair but he only moves closer to her.

"Something happened," Carole says.

"Finn," Bonnie's voice is warm like hot chocolate on a cold day. "Is it okay if I call you Finn?"

Finn nods his head. "Yeah."

"Do you want your parents here when we talk?"

Finn just stares at her for a minute.

"Burt's my _step-dad_," he says, almost as if trying to point out that Burt isn't his real biological parent all of a sudden.

"I want Kurt."

"Can you do without Kurt for a little while?" Bonnie inspects, watching as Finn slowly nods his head.

"I think so," Finn shrugs, but this eyes are full of uncertainty and his body language suggests that he's tense no matter what Bonnie says.

"Can you tell me about Kurt? Is he your boyfriend?"

"_Brother_," she notices he does not say step-brother like he does with Burt. He's not afraid of Kurt but has his doubts across Burt – a very big, muscular type of man, and she knows for a fact that Kurt's Finn's step-brother.

"Oh," her eyes lit up with recognition. "Tell me about him. How does he look like?"

Bonnie watches as Finn scrambles across his wallet, and pulls out a picture of Kurt and Blaine together. It's a small picture and it's only their headshots but she can positively see the bright smile on Kurt's face, and the brilliant grin on Blaine's. Finn points to Kurt. He doesn't even look like a threat. "And who's this?"

"Blaine," Finn pauses for a minute. "He's Kurt's boyfriend."

"Oh….are you scared of Blaine?"

"Not really." Finn gives a smile that doesn't look real but it doesn't look fake, "Blaine's kind of ripped so I should be…but I don't know. Kurt's not scared of him."

Bonnie nods.

"I shouldn't want any of them here though," Finn suddenly pitches in.

"Why not?"

Finn doesn't respond to that and just stares at the picture as if it'll come to life.

"Your stepfather and your Mother are very worried about you," Bonnie suddenly says, as if trying to make him see the truth. "Do you want to tell them why you're so sad?"

"No." Finn shakes his head. "I don't want you."

"But you _need_ me," Bonnie adds on.

Finn doesn't respond yet again. "It was October."

"When it happened?"

"October seventeenth," Finn says again, more descriptive of the day, but doesn't say anything else. "He was drinking coffee, like filter coffee…like Blaine does. He put it down and he didn't really like it. He put in some milk and sugar and just continued to drink it. I had that gut feeling that something wrong was going on. He saw me and offered to buy me a drink."

Bonnie nods.

"He bought me a drink." Finn's head is foggy, and then he adds on. "It wasn't coffee."

She gets the implication immediately. _Alcohol_. Burt and Carole do too and before Carole can say anything, Burt has his hands onto her shoulder.

"I didn't know his name so when I took the first sip, I backed down." Finn continues. "He told me that…it won't be nice because he got it for me. I'm…not a lightweight, not like Kurt is so I figured I could drink it and nothing would happen. I'm…I don't know how I got hammered off _one_ drink. Maybe it was because I was super hungry and it was just right after practice or something. It wasn't even _night_. It was in the afternoon, just after practice. _I didn't even know his name."_

Finn's shaking now, as he puts down the wallet in his hands.

"He looked like Burt." Finn explains and Bonnie's eyes soften, as she realises his reason for not emphasising on the fact that Burt's his step-father. "Like all big, and he _could_ like…empower me. Like the kind of guy that you know can mean business when it comes to it. You know?"

Finn remembers being kicked out and it suddenly hurts.

"He took me somewhere. I don't remember. I don't know how much alcohol or drugs…or something. I heard Puck talk about it. Like they can actually put drugs in people's drinks in parties," Finn explains. "You know those drugs they use so that…guys can have sex with girls when she doesn't want it? Those kinds…"

Bonnie nods slowly. "Finn."

"He did _it_ with me." Finn says.

"And you didn't want it." It's a statement, not a question. Finn just nods his head, and flips the wallet back in his pocket.

"Kiddo, I ain't no expert but…"

"It's rape, Finn. It's _rape_," Bonnie cuts in. Finn thinks he hears a sob from Carole's throat, but he can't look at his Mother right now.

"I know," Finn says softly, running his hand against his hair. "…I can't do this anymore. I can't focus on _this_ and college and _this_ and Glee and _this_ and football and Rachel a-and _Rache_…and…_this_. I'm gonna go crazy."

Finn looks down. "I don't even let her kiss me anymore. I feel like I'm not…you know, letting her in."

"Are you ready to let her in?"

Finn shakes his head and then stares at Burt for guidance, seeing his Mother looking so vulnerable makes him feel horrible.

"Finn," Burt's eyes are onto his son's face. "I'm more worried about how you are, you know—you're my son. I don't give a damn what blood means right now, _but you are my son_. Kid, I'm telling you to not stay in a relationship if it makes you uncomfortable. Okay?"

Finn nods his head and then stares at Bonnie.

Bonnie nods her head as well. "He's right, Finn."

"Okay…" Finn nods.

"You need to recover from this. This isn't anything that we take lightly."

Finn nods again and feels tears piercing into his eyes then he feels Burt's hand onto his shoulder. Carole's staring at him with sad eyes. Burt then says. "You know? It's okay to cry."

Finn stares up at Burt as if just seeing him for the first time.

Then he lets out an ear-piercing sob, followed by a wave of tears. He cries. Carole watches Burt wrap his arms around Finn as if he's six years old and pull him close. Finn doesn't back away this time as he continues to sob and cry for the pain.

When he stands up, he looks younger. Carole gives him a hug and rubs comforting circles around his back.

"I'm here, honey."

"I know, Mom…" through a cloud of fresh, salty tears, he finds a smile. "I know."

* * *

When they're at home, Kurt watches Finn step inside, looking very tired and ready to collapse onto his bed. He glances at his brother and then bites his lower lip. "I made some cookies. Do you want any?"

Burt opens his mouth to tell Kurt that Finn might not want anything right now. Shockingly, Finn sits down and nods his head. Kurt smiles at him.

"Blaine likes putting almonds in them," Finn remembers.

Kurt nods and gives one to Finn and when he bites into them. Finn smiles back at him. "Almonds," he says, tapping the cookie at the table as if to reinforce the idea.

"Yes, Blaine helped, but it was mostly _me_," Kurt reminds him.

Finn laughs and it sends a shiver down Kurt's spine, a warm tingling feeling. "How did the routine Doctor's visit go? Were you okay with the needles—?"

"We didn't go to one." Finn suddenly cuts Kurt's speech. "It was so you wouldn't go overprotective and crazy on me when they told you they were taking me to a counsellor."

Kurt visibly pales. "A counsellor…? Like a _therapist_?"

Finn nods his head.

"I've noticed it too."

Finn looks up at Kurt as if suddenly seeing him. Kurt chuckles sadly. "You're _paler_ than normal, you know? Like it's not just affecting you mentally, but _physically_ too. Your eyes kind of are _dull_. You don't look interested half the time in whatever it is I'm saying—and it's _not_ because I'm talking about Chanel's new spring catalogue."

Finn chuckles. "I think that also had something to do with it."

They lapse into silence.

Kurt looks at Burt as if he's to guide him to a conclusion and then at Carole, but they don't say anything. Kurt looks back at Finn, waiting for him to say something as he pursues his lips together.

Finn finally says it. "I was raped, Kurt."

"W…_what_?"

Finn doesn't say anything as he opens his arms up. Kurt feels wrong, running to his little brother's arms, but he does it anyway and he sobs diligently in his chest. Cookie left forgotten on the table, as he holds Kurt closely, watching sobs being beat out of his body.

"I'll be okay," Finn says finally.

Kurt sobs again in response, and this time, he's the one that's wrapping his arms around Finn's chest. Kurt looks up at Finn when he thinks that he's dried of tears and emotion or both. "I'm so sorry, Kurt," Finn states.

"Honey, you _can't_ be sorry for being raped," Kurt bites down his lower lip. "It isn't your fault."

Finn stares at Kurt as if the idea is foreign to his mind.

* * *

Rachel's walking into the choir room, as always, a good amount of time before anyone else.

Rachel remembers seeing Kurt laugh with Blaine at his locker, as Kurt rummage through Business and Math notebooks to look for the English assignment he has to do. She remembers seeing Puck hit on the new ginger Cheerio that Rachel admits is pretty good-looking. Santana and Brittany are making out near the lockers, and Mike and Tina are just escaping the tortures of Mr Bell's English class. Rory's helping Artie out of Chemistry and to Glee, speaking about something related to sex with an Irish girl.

She doesn't see Finn anywhere though. When she steps inside of the choir rom, she sees him standing there, looking defeated.

"Rache." He smiles at her, that smile that she knows is familiar. He's nervous.

"Finn?"

"Rache. Are we okay?" she knows this talk.

The New Directions walk in and Mr Schue looks too happy for this scene. They stop when they notice the serious look on Rachel's face.

"Finn, why are you breaking up with me?" Rachel suddenly states, aloof.

Finn bites down his lower lip and stares every one of them for encouragement. "Because it's too much, Rache," he says. "I'm under a lot of stress so…"

"We're under the same stress, Finn—"

"He's been raped," Kurt cuts her off, and stares at Rachel with a glare.

Rachel shakes her head and then bites down her lower lip. "I'm sorry," then she looks at him, "but it's no real to break up with me. It's not like we have sex all the time, or—"

"Yeah," Puck finally says. "I mean…Finn's scared of sex but you don't need sex to be in a relationship, right?"

"Shut up, Puck," Mercedes mutters. "He's been _raped_." She emphasises on it.

"But Rachel and Finn's relationship doesn't have to suffer. Finn, you can be in a relationship with someone and not have sex," Artie tries to help him out, smiling at him.

"I don't _want_ a relationship," Finn suddenly says.

"You were ready to marry me, Finn—"

"She's right, Finn," Quinn says, eyes onto his face. "How can you—?"

"He's been _raped_. I don't think you understand how that feels," a warm voice snaps at them. "It's a terrifying feeling to be in a situation where you cannot _control_ anything. It's something you don't forget no matter what. He's jumpy and fidgety and he needs to be alone to try and heal. He needs to focus on getting better, not trying to get flowers for his and Rache's date. Okay?"

"If he doesn't think he should be in a relationship, then we should support it—"

"Curls," Puck cuts in, staring at Blaine as if he's insane. "I know you're passionate about people and all, but…"

"I was raped," Blaine suddenly cuts off.

Blaine looks down at his feet, as if he's suddenly reliving the event in his head. "In the beginning of the year last year. It was one of the Warblers. He used to be my friend and he betrayed me…and then forced me to sleep with him. And I am still not comfortable with things going too far with Kurt and I. I flinch randomly when people touch me from the back, or try to tug at my clothes when I'm not aware, because it scares the hell out of me that it'll happen again—trust me, Puckerman, it's not just fear of sex. You're scared of being hurt in that kind of way again. It's _robbing_ someone of something they had. It's like someone taking something away from you in the most horrible pain and then convincing you somehow, someway, it's all your fault, but it's not. It's _not_ your fault, Finn."

Kurt feels hopeless, looking at Blaine's eyes and then at Finn's own, flickering.

"Sometimes, we need to just," Blaine bites his lower lip, "push away everyone just so we can find ourselves again. Everyone has their own individualistic way of coping."

Kurt suddenly realises. "You bake. You bake cookies."

"Yes," Blaine smiles warmly at Kurt and then hugs his boyfriend and then stares at Finn, who nods his head as he's embraced. Finn nods his head again and as all of the Gleeks tackling him this time. Blaine expects the sympathetic touches this time.

Finn stares at Mr Schue who is silent.

Blaine pulls back for a second. "Let's give him some air, okay?"

Finn looks grateful for Blaine's statement. Finn stares back at Blaine for a second and then stares at Rachel, whom seems to be nodding towards him. "I'll wait." She says, voice certain. "I'm sorry, Finn. Are you gonna be okay?"

"I'll be okay," Finn smiles, and then looks at Kurt. "It's…I'm gonna be okay?" now, he doubts it slightly.

Kurt realises he needs to hear that from him, nobody else but him as he nods his head. "I promise," because Kurt Hummel doesn't make any promises that he doesn't break, "…that you will be just fine."

Friday night at the Hudson-Hummel household is a rather dull affair of a few words here and there through bites of pumpkin salad and roasted chicken. All Kurt remembers is watching Finn take a cookie from the plate at the counter and then tapping it against the white-table so that the crumbs fall. His mouth is full of tasteful crumbs. "Almonds," Finn suddenly tells Kurt.

Kurt smiles senselessly.

"Almonds."


End file.
